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Thief Robes for Affordable Prices
Ransom, King of Thieves (Jared Rogness)
Our mission at Thief Robes is to bring you the highest quality biomechanical robes at affordable prices. We founded Thief Robes on two very important ideas…..theft and ultimate coziness. Combined with over twenty thousand years of experience in the stealing, espionage and spa industries, we understand how important it is to feel cozy…whether you’re selling important information, breaking into someone’s castle, pickpocketing or just lifting sensitive documents from a safe, your coziness should never be compromised. We wanted to make the best thief robes for men, women and children, then make them extremely accessible via the internet, so that you can truly disguise yourself and focus on feeling mysterious and threatening.
Thief Robes have style, grace and a mind of their own…literally. Made of an organic fabric stripped from the hide of a cosmic beast, they are perfect for warmer climates and for the person who prefers a “I’m barely there” feeling. Each thief robe has 238 pockets, a hood that can wrap around your head like a mask and special dagger enclaves. Robes also come in your choice of scent: “Apocalypse Pine” , “Rusty Steak Knife”, “Patchouli” , “Thievin’ Thyme” or our most popular “New Robe Scent”.
Our “Bum Line” (modeled by Ransom, King of Thieves) is for the thief that wants to create the feeling of “Hey, you can come talk to me….I’m okay.”
Give Thief Robes a chance, and we know you’ll find the perfect one for your needs…. Enjoy Shopping, and Happy Stealing!
The Nobody Hole
Hip-Hop’s First Sci-Fi Opera
Now Available for purchase & streaming
http://sumworld.bandcamp.com
Need Dog-Sitter for Haunted Mansion
Hi, my name’s Jaquelantern (“Jackie” for short). Here’s the situation: I’m kind of a “ghost” (although I prefer “supernatural being”, but whatever). I had to leave my 467 bedroom mansion to go help this kid out and I’ve kind of “fallen” into the upper levels of Hell, so I’ll be “indisposed” for a while. I’m looking for someone that really loves undead dogs and will enjoy playing with mine while I’m off and away 
I’m not looking to add any dogs (or cats) to the mix, and I have no idea how long I’m going to be gone.
My dog’s name is Rico. Outside of the fact that he’s sort of a “zombie” and he has human legs, he’s pretty much a normal dog. He occasionally runs through walls, howls at the moon while bats fly from his jaws, and insists on wearing a flaming sombrero when he goes to sleep, so I guess that’s kind of weird too. And you have to be comfortable cleaning up child high towers of poop. But other than that, he’s tons of fun and loves watching “Glee” and “Dancing With The Stars” (my fav!!). His favorite meals are room temperature Manwich sauce, roasted Nobody squirrel and pan-seared ahi tuna.
If you’re into “spooky”, you’ll love this place. The mansion is in a quiet, safe neighborhood. In fact, it’s the only house in the neighborhood. There is absolutely no furniture, nor any glass in any of the windows. I’ve been meaning to get that fixed, but shopping for windows is usually the last thing on a ghost’s mind. The lighting is fairly terrible. But the drapes are all in terrible condition if you’re into the “thrift shop” or “vintage haunted” look. I’ve found the nonstop wailing of wind, creaking stairs and moaning voices from all the rooms has a soothing effect. Plenty of privacy, minor ghost infestation. Sometimes you may wake up with some tall shadow standing over your bed whispering in some other language, but don’t mind him. That’s just Jean-Michele.
High speed rotary phones
Hardwood floors
Huge swimming pool
Open graves in backyard
Rusty, non-functional scary gate at front
Looking to fill this opening now
Close to several convenient Nobody Hole openings in the sky
Walking distance to downtown Nobody City
No smoking
First and deposit to move in
The Nobody Hole
Hip-hop’s First Halloween Opera
Available for Purchase, TOMORROW 10/29/2010
(if you already own it, treat your friend to a link for Halloween)
Get in Shape With Old Man Geechi
Geechi’s Dynamic Personal Training
My name is Geechi, a certified personal trainer with over 1684 years of experience in Ship Building, Hammer Swingin and Ass Kicking in General. My Fitness training specializes in: Core Development, Beard Toughness, Organic Metabolic Afro Growing, Metaphysical Hammer Design, Intergalactic Travel in Less-Than-Safe Ships, Leather Chewing, Buffalo Wrestling, Screaming At The Sky in Frustration, Growling At/With Large Animals, Aggressive Scowling, Competitive Grudge-Holding and Tobacco Farming In Space. Having competed internationally in fitness I know Diet, Revenge & Nutrition like the back of my ass-kicking hand.
Guys: Gain Strength and Shred Your Abs!
Girls: Tone-up those Legs, Hips, Butt and Stomach. I can come to you, or you can visit me at my facility on the edge of Hell (no membership required).
Get Ripped, have Fun and learn Self Defense! Got a pesky stalker, murderer guy in a panda mask on your trail? KICK HIS ASS! What about a double-crossing twin brother? KICK HIS ASS TWICE! Need to single handedly build a gigantic ship and kick somebody’s ass on it while it flies to a weird castle made of bones? LET’S KICK SOME ASS!
Free consultation: Set it up today and we can get you started on working towards your-slash-my goals.
The Nobody Hole
Hip-hop’s First Halloween Opera
Available for Purchase, 10/29/2010
(if you already own it, it makes a great Halloween gift)
Part-Time Serial Killer Looking for Full-Time Love
Illustration by Jared Rogness. The Nobody Hole Available Halloween Weekend, 2010
Hello……my name is Manda. This is my second ad on Craigslist, and my first try was okay but it didn’t turn out so well. Apparently she didn’t like “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” on Blu-Ray or pork & beans. But ANYWAY, I’m looking for a good woman that has good intentions. I’m 6′1″ like to work out and occasionally stalk people through alternate dimensions. I do have a panda mask attached to my face, and it’s been there since I was born, but if you aren’t READY or MATURE enough to handle that, please don’t respond to this ad. I can be sweet when its the rite moment and ruff when its the rite time. I been told I’m funny for a Virgo.
I am pre-vegan and straight-edge and love coffee. I don’t drive, but I walk very fast. My hair is “post-punk” and is the color of hot clam chowder on a Fall day. I am very spiritual my favourite colours are orange, hot pink, electric/sky blue and green i love playing cards/board games, playing pool, puzzles, cooking and socialising. I don’t have a piercing, but raw flesh is TOTALLY dripping from my upper torso…I’ve been known to have a quick wit with puns. I love going for barepawed walks wearing clothes is way overated but I love style I spend a lot of time involved in music there’s other things about me too you might get to know later as well =)
I’m ready to hear it…I’m all ears. Panda ears, that is.
The dream lady i have in mind, well… she would be very open minded and funny, and be able to deal with my mood swings. And the baby fingers stuffed in the shampoo bottles. She would love cats and hopefully be more animal like than human like (cats,mice & foxes especially welcomed!) She would like pork & beans, have piercings and tattoos and have either short hair or kinda spiky or a mohawk. She would be gravitated towards more of the punk/industrial/gothic fashion/scene she would love looking stylish but was confident in her body that clothing would be optional in many circumstances she loves to go on long walks, especially barefoot she loves nature and mountains and trees and museums and butcheries.
I think that’s about it so hopefully you are out there somewhere reading this =) and if nothing ever happened romantically you would make one awesome friend!!!!! =D
-Manda
The Nobody Hole, Finally Available for Purchase Halloween Weekend 2010
*please tell a friend, and if you already own it…it makes a great Halloween gift*
